Cancer cured, Korea reunited in epic quest for condiments
A collective sigh of relief was sighed in North and South Korea Tuesday, following the remarkable reuniting of the two countries. This came after an Ontario man, 34, swept through the region in a remarkable 5-day quest for condiments. Charles Riverbrook and his family of three were enjoying a thanksgiving dinner, but were short on condiments. Living a block away from a plaza, he went to not only KFC™, but Burger King™ and Taco Bell™. All of these stores proved "fruitless", as they were all equipped with condiment spouts. His ongoing journey took him not across the Atlantic, most of southern Europe, and the Middle East. It was not until he reached Korea that he found the packets, tired and unshaven. How he actually cured cancer and reunited the countries is still not known, but the UN has given Mr. Riverbrook an honourary medal for his work.

Broken Furby™ now incredibly wise
A Furby™ belonging to Johanna Williamson, 6 has been the target of much amazement over the past week. The toy, bought several Christmases ago, has since broken, but only recently has it began to function again. However, the toy is no longer speaking "furby-speak™", but speaking rather conversational english with a strong welsh accent. Some were alarmed at the Furby's interjections, but the family has grown pleased at his "helpful combination of grocery tips and philosophical wisdom". Tiger Electronics™ has notified the family that because the toy was dropped several times, they hold no responsibility for what he says. Nothing but good things have occurred because of this, and the family says they're not selling him, or any of his incredible philosophical insight.

Wacky skin product bought with suspicion
An Alberta family reluctantly brought home a somewhat "wacky" array of skincare products from a visit with extended family. The visit was unremarkable for the most part, with the exception of the skincare products discussed for some time. An aunt an uncle of the family both reccomended the skincare products, as "it works well, and makes your feet feel fantastic afterwards". The family, however, had no need for further soap. It was only to avoid conflict that they took home the products, and opinion around the house has been far from stellar. The parents were heard saying "it smells kind of funny and leaves little flakes everywhere", and "what's up with Uncle Fred's hair, anyways?". Although the family has no plans of returning the products, inevitable tension continues to build for when the family gathers again in December.