Chess club feared throughout neighbourhood
The Clyde Trombough School has been struck by a wave of terror over a recently-created Chess Club. The Chess Club consists of twelve elite members spanning grades 9 through 12, each known for being incredibly skilled in chess and martial arts. "Those guys are freaky", explains one student who wishes to remain anonymous, "they have like a shrine and everything." "man, those guys are too good", another student claims, "when I asked there was somewhere I could sign up, they gassed me and I woke up next to a rook and a bishop and the word 'NO' written in blood on the floor". The Chess Club prides itself in being the best in the district, and is sworn to secrecy. "First rule about Chess Club", the leader said in a rare interview, "you do not talk about Chess Club".

Fat man rubbing off on slimmer child
Parents and relatives of 12-year old Marcus Winchesterfield have expressed worry over his poor eating habits, which they claim have been influenced by his overweight uncle. "Marcus used to be so slim," said his mother, with worry in her eyes, "but when he started spending so much time with Frank, we knew something was wrong". Marcus has gained at least 10 pounds since the beginning of the month, and has changed his eating habits drastically. Family members report he has even started wearing Hawaiian shirts and Atari™ hats. "Burger King™, McDonalds™, he's seen them all", sobs his mother, "I don't even want to think about it". "He is entirely convinced that eating at New York Fries constitutes a meal", finished the mother, breaking into tears.

Disgruntled radio host freaking out
Staff of the BYUB Manitoba radio station are currently debating dismissing long-time host Jeffry Johnston. Johnston, who has worked for the radio station for over 20 years, has 'been showing some pretty inconsitent behaviour on air', say his co-workers. "First it was just small stuff", his secretary said, "you know, forgetting song titles, making stupid remarks about songs he doesn't like". "But now it's pretty serious", she said nervously, "we're getting major complaints, even lawsuits from listeners". "The worst part is that his "Jumpin' Jeffry" show is so popular. We're talking 500,000 loyal listeners a week". "He's saying things like 'Hey, that song sucked! Almost like my manager!' and 'don't touch that dial, or I'll cut your throat!".