Gym class taking itself too seriously
According to many Eastmount Secondary students, the grade 9 gym teacher just generally "takes himself too seriously". Gym class has been widely regarded by students as an "easy subject" that's "lots of fun" and "good exercise". This semester's Gym course has been anything but that. Witnesses have reported the teacher, Mr. Barton, has turned an otherwise enjoyable course into an intense regime of lectures, paperwork and manual labour. "The other day we got a half-hour talk about lifetime goals", commented one student, "what the hell?". As well as teaching over-enthusiastic lessons, Mr. Barton has started assigning large amounts of homework. "This is absurd! Where does it end?", ventured one student, "the janitorial staff will start assigning essays?"

Ozzy Osbourne discovers new element
The newest entry to the periodic table of the elements has been discovered by media sensation Ozzy Osbourne. The element, which is found in many Precabrian-era rock formations, was confirmed to be a previously undiscovered element Thursday. The new element is a solid, and in its pure form it resembles silver, with a darker tinge. It is unknown how Mr. Osbourne discovered the element, but he claims he "couldn't believe my (expletive) eyes (expletive) great show (expletive) can't find my keys (expletive) teleprompter (unintelligible) shat all over the floor!". Although some suggest the mineral should be named "Ozzyrum" after its finder, Ozzy says he likes the name "Death Metal" much more.

Auto-flushing airport urinal just splashing everyone today
London's Heathrow Airport staff have been forced to close off a section of a 3rd-cloor bathroom due to a malfunctioning automatic urinal. The urinal had been designed to flush once the user had left it's sensor range, waiting before the user had finished before flushing. However, this urinal seemed to flush frequently, mostly while patrons were still using it. This bizarre behaviour has caused considerable surprise amongst unsuspecting guests who have been inflicted with a rude spray of cold water in the middle of a bathroom session. Unable to vacate the urinal, the automatic flusher continued to mercilessly and thoroughly douse victims until they were finished. A wave of negative feedback from travelers has finally closed the urinal, but not after a few unfortunate incidents. Nearly all entries in the bathroom comment box have been negative comments regarding the urinal, with the exception of one man who noted it as "refreshing" and "exhilarating".