L33t declared 3rd national language
In a move that surprised much of the press, Jean Chretien, Canada's prime minister, made a bold statement on Monday, declaring l33t Canada's third official language. Because of this, all government offices will allow services in l33t as well as French and English, and all products will be required to have l33t labels. He opened the speech, saying "h0wd@y j00 n00bs", and later continuing to state that "j00 = teh sUx0rs". He also added "LOLOLOOOLOMFGLOL". Although there was some controversy regarding the statement, Chretien said that "Canada is a very diverse country, and (he) feel(s) this decision will keep it that way". He finished by stating "j00 v3lc f00".

Woman calls Ultramatic™ regarding electric adjustable bed, beautiful catalogue, colour TV offer
Elda Kirtzpatrick of Sudbury Ontario recently made a call to the Ultramatic™ bed company. The company, best known for their television ads, specializes in matresses. The woman called and was forwarded to a live operator. Reports say she seemed "very interested", and "gave her own vivid accounts of the commercials many times over". The discussion went on for several minutes, as Edna not only inquired about the "electric adjustable bed", but also the "beautiful catalogue", and the "free colour TV offer".
Inset- a picture of the charismatic Ultramatic™ spokesman.

German officials arrest web page authour for excessive use of the word "uber"
German officials were given the warrant for the arrest of Trent Chadwick, 29 monday for "excessive use of the word uber in a tastless and crude manner". In his web page, he used the word upwards of 37 times, in phrases like "uber-cool" and "uber-awesome". For these offences alone, he could be in German prisons for upwards of 30 years, but he's also being held in police custody for tasteless puns like "uber-vaccuum" and "uber-t hoover". The German officers say "they have no problem with people using the word", but "there's a point to draw the line".