Overclocked fridge sounds like F1 car
Although the replacing of a household appliance would normally be a good thing, Johnathan McArthur is having second thoughts about a new, super-charged refrigerator. This particular model of fridge is capable of cooling twenty square feet of space to -20°C in under sixty seconds, owing to a breakthrough in cooling technology known as HYPRA-COLD. John claims it's not the refrigerator's performance that bothers him, it's the twelve-cylinder-engine noises that come from the fridge's FRIGID-CELL processing engine. John explains, "I know it's high-tech and all.. but every time I want milk or something I'm afraid I'm going to get hit by an F1 car. My children shouldn't scream in terror every time I get some beans".

The Hulk finds suitable work in construction
Following a long-overdue resigning from the world of super-crime fighting, Doctor Bruce Banner, aka The Hulk, announced his entry into the work force with a small construction agency. "There just wasn't enough work", said Dr. Banner. "Every good job nowadays is either in high-tech or stocks. There's almost no place for the mean, green destroying machine in today's economy". Despite being ridiculed for his green skin, unsightly veins and incredible rage, Bruce has made himself a popular member of the "team" thanks to his Herculean strength and encyclopedic knowledge of traditional Latin American cuisine.

English teacher disgusted by EZ-SQEEZ product
"Oh, god", said Professor J. Harding after accidentally purchasing a six-pack of "EZ-SQEEZ" condiments products. Similar comments were made across the world by scholars and authors alike, as the EZ-SQEEZ line of condiments was released. As early as Tuesday strikes have been organiszd and petitions have been made against these "disgraceful, atrocious crimes to the English language". Professor J. Harding commented that this was "disgusting" and "vile in every way imagineable". He went on to venture, "What's next, EZ-SPRED peanut butter? CR-E-MY MAYO? Please kill me". Fabrico Foods, Incorporated has made no official statements so far regarding the national controversy, but are considering halting production out of sheer mercy for human life.