Pleasantly named tropical storm just trying to get on our good side
In what many scientists see as an attempt to "get on our good side", a powerful tropical storm has given itself a supposedly non-threatening, family friendly name, "Shirley". The storm, one of the strongest in the past six months, has passed through Central America. As well as thrashing miles of fertile crop land, "Shirley" has devastated thousands of homes and ruined thousands of lives across Mexico, Guatemala, and El Salvador. Damages have been estimates as upwards of $600 million dollars in Mexico City alone. 124 are confirmed dead, and countless others are injured or missing. Meteorologists and victims alike say they see right past the storm's cheery name.

Cereal mascot falls in vat; dies in delicious blend of honey and nuts
The death of a popular cartoon cereal mascot yesterday marked a dark day in the marketing business, and the end of an advertising era. While no details are clear, an enigmatic press release was issued Tuesday by Post™ cereals, which stated "These are hard times for everyone, and we must continue to strive for the best-tasting cereals and rock-bottom prices". The character's creator, Samuel Price said "I can't believe he would leave us so soon..", and ventured "but I guess he died doing what he loved, creating delicious cereal". If rumours are to be believed, the mascot actually did die creating delicious cereal, as some say he fell into a syrup vat used for the flavouring of a popular breakfast peoduct. Many family workers are shocked at the possibility that their favourite colleague could have faced such a gruesomely wholesome and delicious death, part of a complete breakfast. Post™ has opened a trauma office for workers and close friends, and a funeral service is expected to occur within the next few days.

2001 winter formally apologizes for sucking
Today an official apology was made that ended months of remorse following last winter's poor snowfall. In light of the new, superior winter season, the 2001 winter has formerly apologised to the international community for a performance which many critics agree "sucked". Much of normally-frigid Canada suffered pleasant, mild temperatures, and little to no snowfall. "Although a year ago, nobody knew quite what to say, it is now clear winter 2001 can't hold a candle to its superior 2002 brother", declared New Hampshire scientist Martin Strong. Although many hard feelings remain, sources feel this should at least help to heal the pain and suffering brought on by such a pathetic last winter.