Rival word processing suites duke it out in flamewar
The file folder entitled "Work" on John Bryanstone's laptop has become full of everything but that recently. John's "Work" folder is the victim of a long-running argument between his rival Corel Wordperfect™ and Microsoft Word™ programs. Sources believe the conflict was started when an anonymous user saved a report on the virtues of Microsoft Word™. Wordperfect™ took this file as a serious insult, and wrote a long-winded retort. For weeks now this laptop turf war has been raging between the programs, each placing a myriad of new replies in the "Work" folder every day. "First I thought it was just my twelve year old son or something", claims John, "but then they started cursing and making in-depth arguments on memory access. We all tried to ignore it, until I accidentally attached a 10-page file called "DIE M$ TRASH BLOATWARE" on an email sent to a colleague working at Microsoft™". Some have suggested Mr. Johnston simply delete one program, but both programs have removed their own "uninstall" utilities in spite.

Backyard fence proves feeble against unstoppable barrage of inane conversation
The Porter family made the move to a suburban area several years ago, with the belief they held peace and quiet. Until last tuesday, this was largely true. Many family members have voiced complaints about the megaphone-like voices of several new neighbours next door. "I wouldn't really mind it that much if they weren't so loud", explains Tracy Porter, 14, "but they talk about the stupidest things. The other day they spent three hours arguing about fish import regulations. Who cares?". "Besides why do they need to import when his wife looks like a fish already", Samuel Porter mused. The Porters agree the toothpick-like fence provides little or no protection from the inane conversation and fish-like features of the neighbouring family.

Four drown in 15-minute conversation with spitting guy
Four deaths, several injuries and over ten thousand dollars worth of damages are the result of a fifteen-minute conversation with Thomas Saunders, widely known as "the spitting guy". Although at first Thomases speech problems drew laughter, these deaths have indicated the problem is much more serious than previously thought. Mr. Saunders gave a brief discussion on waste disposal in an enclosed room, which experts say filled the room with well over five feet of acidic saliva. Four were killed instantly by the tsunami-like onslaught of fluid, and countless others were injured escaping the sealed classroom. A survivor said tuesday, "it was horrible. Imagine the movie "Titanic", except with human saliva".