Disgruntled digital camera hijacks photos
A face-off between a Colorado resident, 39, and his newly purchased digital camera has escalated to new heights within the last week. Mr. Johnstone had acquired the camera in hopes of easily taking and storing images, only to find his camera fulfilled little of his expectations. Within days of purchased, Mr. Johnstone began noticing abnormalities in the operation of the camera. "First it just started turning off randomly", explains Mr. Johnstone. "Then it began giving me unexpected errors errors.. and then it wouldn't take pictures .. and now it's holding my images hostage". "What's worse, this thing is emailing me my pictures line by line!" Mr. Johnstone exclaimed. "I knew this camera was high-tech, but I had no idea .." he continued, "now it's replacing all the pictures of me with David Bowie and filling my inbox with them". Although tensions are high, the camera has given little information regarding settlement, and says it will not cooperate until demands are met.

Dislodged jaw gives woman extraordinary powers
An Austrian hospital has worked long hours to fully recover the jaw of a Utah tourist, Elliah Smith with very unexpected results. After a bicycle accident, the tourist's jaw was dislodged in 3 places, and she was rushed to hospital for emergency care. Although the doctors could have easily fixed the jaw completely, Mrs. Smith insisted they didn't. This decision would later prove life-saving, as it helped Elliah and a group of travelers narrowly avoid a bear attack. His overwhelming 90-degree snakelike jaw terrified the bear into collapsing and curling up into a fetal position. Several doctors have urged Mrs. Smith to complete the surgery, but for now Elliah is content impressing friends and family by swallowing small mammals whole.

Tony Hawk sweeps synchronized swimming; fans laugh nervously
Tony Hawk has surprised the sports community and fans alike by announcing his entry into professional synchronized swimming. Mr. Hawk, most known for his skateboarding talent and multiple video game licenses, claims this decision "will help introduce the fascinating world of synchronized swimming" to children and teenagers. Fans, however, remain skeptical. Some reacted by laughing nervously, others reacted by spewing water in over inanimate objects and family. "What the hell..?" one teenager ventured. Some teens were shocked at the prospect of a shaven-legged Tony Hawk in a Speedo™, others cheered him on as he attempted synchronized swimming's first airborne 900-degree spin. The software title "Tony Hawk's Pro Swimmer" is expected to release for the Xbox™, Playstation 2™ and Gamecube™ consoles in time for Christmas.