Frosty™ beverage saves city
A small Idaho town has a grey, gelatinous drink to thank for its miraculous survival today. A large nuclear power plant malfunctioned earlier this morning, sending the state into panic. As the problem progressed over the next few hours, the authorities waited anxiously for new reports, well aware of the potential Chernobyl developing. This potential meltdown had the capacity to destroy upwards of 100km of land, and poison the surroundings with deadly fallout radiation for the next thousand years. If it weren't for the help of a small, half-melted Wendy's Frosty™ drink left adjacent near the reactor, reporters say, the country would be facing a problem of incredible proportions. Scientists are baffled at the quick stifling of the meltdown, but "Wendy's" is now a famed brand in Idaho, plastered on magazines and newspapers. A Wendy's spokesperson explains, "We can only thank heavens someone was clever enough to leave a cool, refreshing Frosty behind", and that "the powers of nuclear energy are no match for that creamy, chocolaty taste, only 99 cents as part of our value menu".

Airport bathroom home to first non-laboratory cloning incident
The scientific community is surprised over the unexpected birth of a small goat, born artificially in a Boston airport bathroom. The goat, which was discovered later to be a genuine clone, was found mulling about the garbage bin in the bathroom after several months of early development in a toilet. Most scientists agree that the goat cells were likely deposited in a toilet by someone who'd eaten goat's cheese, or goat meat. Although details are sketchy, some think that the disgusting, putrid state of the bathroom and abundant sewage overflow gave the goat a warm, nurturing, womb-like environment in which to grow. Some sources even suspect staff might "actually clean the damn bathroom" after this.

Research accidentally proves Punjabi Pop sensation is god
During a routine radio-telescope scan, a small group of researchers accidentally revealed that the creator of earth and "god" of many faiths is actually Punjabi Pop sensation Daler Mendhi. Daler has been very successful in record sales recently, but "(he) never expected his music to sell this well". Fans are surprised and happy of this discovery- Daler's catchy "Tunak Tunak Tun" is sweeping the music world as well as the religious world. Some reformed churches are accepting this new discovery as truth, but more traditional churches have yet to be convinced. Billy Hornton, of the Pennsylvania Lutheran New Reformed Church claims "there is no reason not to believe these new discoveries", and that "(Daler's) energetic dance anthems should lead the church in new, exciting directions".